Dealing With Difficult People

We've all dealt with difficult people in our lives. It's part of being human. For whatever reason, there are people who we just can't seem to get along with.

It seems this problem has been happening ten fold lately in my life. It has actually been pretty difficult and challenging for me and quite a burden. Why do these people who treat me so poorly have to be a part of my life? I have felt strongly that there is a lesson for me in all this, so I've spent a lot of time praying for help. The only problem was, I didn't really know what to ask for specifically. "Please help me get along with so and so." Um... think it could get any more vague than that? That's not how the Lord works. We would never learn anything if he just fixed everything for us without any effort on our part. So, I went in search of answers.

Since I can't see a therapist for free (I'm not kidding, I would totally see one) I decided the next best thing was self-help books. I researched a few of them, and by researched I mean I saw them on websites and thought "That looks perfect!" and ordered them on amazon without any further thought. I started one book, which I'm sure I'll review later after I finish it, but then changed to the second book I ordered:

Due to my lack of research, there were a few things that caught me off guard from the beginning, but were actually very beneficial:
1. This book is written by a female minister who started her own church called Church 4 Chicks. That worried me at first, but it actually turned out to be awesome. She doesn't teach anything that isn't consistent with the teaching of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. So really, it was like getting advice from the scriptures and a church leader. Other than her talking about her call to the ministry ;)
2. She wrote this book specifically for women, dealing with other women. That was very helpful because men generally don't have the same kind of catty, impossible-to-like-anyone-around-them-attitude that every woman possesses.
3. The book smelled AMAZING! I love the smell of new books. I couldn't stop sniffing it. I think that's a major contributing factor to why I finished so fast, I couldn't get enough of the smell.
4. It's also a work book. She asks deep questions that make you search yourself and your relationships and gives you places to brainstorm solutions, ideas, and feelings.

I LOVED this book. Ho-ly-COW! It was exactly what I needed. The gist of both books is that you can't change what anyone else does or how they treat those around them, but you can change yourself and your actions. Shelley's book put it on a deeply religious light and provided 6 specific steps we can take to better ourselves and our relationship with God to be free of bad relationships having any control over us. I planned to write a little summary of the 6 steps but I think I'll let you read the book and take that initiative. Instead, I wish to share my feelings on how it helped me.

Like any woman on this planet, I've struggled with some of my relationships in life, whether it be with family, friends, co-workers, church leaders, etc. I've had my fair share of pain and experienced a lot of mistrust. I've been treated poorly. I've been bullied. I've been used. I've had people compete with everything I do. And I've held on to those feelings and they have been rotting inside me ever since. Don't get me wrong, I haven't sat and festered over them while sharpening my pitch fork and planning revenge, but I have held poor views of the people involved and have avoided them when possible. Haven't we all? Don't we all? I think most of us prefer to avoid awkward situations and confrontations whenever possible.

But this book has helped me let go of that. It has helped me forgive. Through bettering my relationship with my Savior and realizing that I am a daughter of God and He loves me, no matter what I do or what anyone else thinks or says, I can overcome any situation without scars. I'm proud of who I am and the life Heavenly Father has chosen for me. It's tailored exactly to what I need in order to be the best I can be. Why would I want to compare it to anyone else? Their life was made for them, not me. And when we lose sight of that and start feeling inadequate, we begin to compare ourselves to others and that's when the claws start to come out and we have trouble getting along with each other.

I've learned a powerful lesson this week. I've learned that it doesn't matter if someone doesn't like me. It doesn't matter what they say behind my back or what they're really thinking behind their civil smile. Nothing they do can change who I am or bring me down. I am a daughter of God. I am secure enough in who I am to not care what the insecure and confused/lost souls think. It's my job to forgive them of their wrong-doings, stand up for myself when necessary, show them grace and mercy, and let God handle the punishments for their actions, because only He can see the whole picture and judge fairly. It's also my job to repent when I'm the one who causes harm to another - which I have done before and will probably do again, because we're all human and make mistakes - in order to better those relationships as well.

I've come to accept that everyone is different. Rather than feeling threatened or scared by the differences we see in each other, we need to embrace them! How boring would the world be if we were all the same? We each have different gifts and talents. We each have different trials we've faced and lessons we've learned. We can learn so much from each other. Too often we only seek friends who are just like us. I am guilty of that all the time. But the potential problem with that is we often share the same weaknesses and can unintentionally bring each other down. We don't learn about new things and new views on the world. We remain stuck in our little bubble; never changing and shutting out anyone who is different. I don't want to be that way. People who seem so different from me may have something wonderful to offer me. My goal is to let them have that chance.

I also solidified what I chose to do for one of my new years resolutions; to be a friend to the amazing friends I already do have, instead of trying to force friendships with people who clearly don't care. I spend a lot of time dwelling on the relationships that aren't working because they're the ones that hurt. It's a waste of time and takes away from those who do care. There was a saying in the book that I loved:

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." - Dale Carnegie 

Isn't that awesome? We get so wrapped up in trying to impress others and get them to like us. We think if we can showcase all our best features then we'll have friends lined up around the block. It's purely a selfish and insecure approach. They will see your good qualities in time. Those will not be near as impressive as a sincere and caring person would be. Who would you rather turn to for help, the person who brags about their yearly income? Or the person who listens to you, cries with you, and truly makes you feel loved? We can make so many friends and have so many rewarding relationships by being a good friend. I have an amazing army of friends around me. I know I can stand to be a better listener and a better friend and appreciate them instead of focusing on myself, and I'm going to strive to do that. And I'm going to be a friend to everyone. It doesn't matter the color of their skin, their profession, or if they like the same music I do. Heck, I don't care if they live in a cardboard box. I'm not that shallow and everyone needs friends, true friends, who will love and accept them for who they are.

I highly recommend you go buy this book and read it for yourself. Although the steps in the book will be a life-long learning process, I feel as though I am already on my way. My blinders have been removed and I can see that the opinions of others just don't matter. A tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. My self-worth is not dependent on what people think of me. It's not dependent on what they say or how much pain they cause in my life. It's dependent on me and me alone and my relationship with the Savior. He loves each and every one of us individually and unconditionally. No one can take that away from us, so don't let them think they can. Don't let another single person have any control over you. It's how we can truly be free.

Winter Blue's

I hate winter!! It just keeps snowing and snowing and snowing! I can't take it anymore!! We are completely out of room to shovel the snow anywhere off our driveway. Since our house is north facing, we still have feet of snow while the neighbors across the street have a trace in their yards. We literally have mountains lining our driveway that are taller than us. So, with the new 6 inches we got today and the more snow we're supposed to get tonight, there's literally no way to shovel it off the driveway without catapulting it over the mountains and into the middle of the yard, which takes a disgusting amount of effort for each heave. I've had it!!!

I've been looking for someone to blame for this hellish winter all day. I'm so angry I feel like we're being picked on. I mean, isn't enough, enough? MAKE IT STOP!!

But believe it or not, I didn't come here today to whine and complain, although a good venting is what I needed. I came to throw out some ideas that have kept me on the brink of insanity this winter, even though some days I have lost my marbles. These are the things that have made me forget how much I hate living in Utah right now.

1. Netflix. I've drowned myself in tv shows lately to escape my cabin fever. It's not the best solution but at least there's people talking in my house all the time :)

2. Artificial sun. Yes, I mean tanning. And although I am not a giant fan of it and I think it's dangerous, the once in a while that I go has helped lift my spirits and give me some artificial vitamin D.

3. Exercise. After a 6 week hiatus because of our family being so sick, I've been trying to get back into the grind. It's helped keep me happy and focused on other things. I also recommend fitness classes. They're tons of fun and it gets you out of the house.

4. Projects. Even simple ones would do the trick. We started remodeling our front room months ago. We've been so lazy at just getting it done because it's not easy and we never use it anyway but there's one thing to keep me busy. I also started making a cook book on my computer of all the Pinterest recipes I've found so I can just look on paper instead of having to keep my phone on to read the next steps while cooking.

5. Bubble baths. I love bubble baths anyway, but they also help calm me down when I feel like I'm going to lose it. Sometimes I'll even throw a swim diaper on my toddler and let her join me.

6. Online shopping. I have to admit, I've fallen in love with pushing a few buttons and having a cute outfit arrive at my door. It gives me something to look forward to, even if I can't wear the new shoes until spring.

7. Working. I know not everyone has this option, and work isn't always awesome, but it's nice to go and talk to the great girls I work with and be away for a few hours.

8. Cleaning. I may not be able to go outside and enjoy myself, but at least my house is clean and comfortable. That helps make it a good environment.

So those are the things that have helped me make it through this horrible, history-book-worthy winter. I'd add a vacation on the list but we haven't had one yet. We're supposed to go to Moab in a few weeks. I've had my hopes up so high for this trip because I need a vacation so bad, but I have a feeling the weather may not cooperate, and then I'm really going to lose it. We'll see though. Until then I'll keep focusing on not going insane and praying for grass and sunshine.

Love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.
- from 1 Corinthians 13

Happy Valentines Day!

Kindness Goes A Long Way

We have had a hellish three weeks at our house.

First our little girl got sick with the worst sore throat/cold/cough combo we've ever seen. Of all the illnesses she's had, this is hands down the worst so far. About 5 days later, I got it. I could not believe how excruciating the sore throat was. It hurt to breathe, much less talk and eat. I lost my voice for two days along with the congestion and cough setting in. About another 5 days later, my husband caught it. He missed out on the sore throat portion, thank heavens, but he has the sucky congestion and cough as well.

After three weeks later from the start of this horribleness, we're still not better. Our girl has a double ear infection, I have a sinus infection in all four sinuses and bronchitis, and Cory is showing the same symptoms of bronchitis and probably needs to be seen by someone. Isn't that lovely?

So needless to say, we've been a little antisocial and MIA in a lot of things. It's hard to do much when you feel like death. But hopefully now that we're medicated, we can start to be on the mend. I hope at least. I am so over this!! Enough is enough!

It's funny the different reactions we've gotten from people. Many of the people can be summed up in two groups: the ones who avoid us like we have leprosy or give "helpful tips" and the ones who are just helpful. Half of people who have heard about us assume we have bad immune systems or that we're not clean, or they suggest different ways to keep from getting sick because they think we've been catching different viruses over and over. No, no. It's just one horrible, evil, unrelenting illness that has wiped out our household.

But then there's the ones who don't question, preach, or try to be our doctors (I know people mean well, really), they just help. Several times now I've come home to food and treats on my doorstep from friends and neighbors who were thinking about us and wanted to help out. Every time I've cried knowing I have such amazing, loving, selfless people in my life. Where would I be without them? They set such a good example for me and others around them. And I've never felt so loved in all my life.

I originally wanted to post about home sickness remedies and tricks people try in order to avoid the inevitable crap that is spread during the winter, but as I thought about how crummy this has been for us and how much of a change those kind friends have made in my heart, I decided to post more about how much we can do to help others who are suffering through illnesses or hard times rather than what we can do for ourselves.

As a recipient of kind deeds, not only did the soup, juice, pudding, cookies, and hot chocolate make us feel better physically, but it raised my spirits emotionally as well. I knew I wasn't alone and there was someone who was watching out for us and willing to help. It's such an empowering feeling! It also strengthened my testimony of prayer because on one particular day when I really thought I might die, and I had to go to work and i literally didn't know how I was going to make it through the day alive, I came home to dinner waiting on my porch. I later learned that this sweet person felt very strongly that she needed to help me that day and she listened. I don't know if she will ever know how grateful I was for that and how much of an answer to prayers she was. It was the best blessing to receive.

So, let's take a lesson from this experience and resolve to help others in times of need. It only takes a couple extra minutes to swing by and drop off a meal or a treat and let someone know you love them and are thinking about them and you want to help. Odds are it was an answer to their prayers anyway. I'm grateful for good examples of wonderful friends. I urge you to pass it on! I know I will be.

A little kindness goes a long way.

What I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me...

I only have one child and she's almost 19 months old. That's not even two years of training. I'm hardly the Jedi Master of motherhood, nor do I protest to be. But if there's one thing I am absolutely sure about when it comes to all things parenting, it's that there's so much no one tells you. Gobs! Mountains! Someone could (and should) write a book on all the myths and legends about what becoming a mom for the first time is really like. Or what it really could be like, since everyone is different. They're hush-hush truths spoken in dark corners and passed on with secret signs. Well, I'm here to shine some light on those illusive truths.

I can thank my amazing friends who, much to everyone's excitement and happiness, is pregnant for the first time, for this idea of sharing the things for which there's no warning. She's had worries about her feelings and thoughts on parenthood - the same thoughts and worries I had - that she's afraid aren't normal. So in reassuring her, and thinking I wish someone had inducted me into the dark secrets club, I decided to help reassure any of you who may be, or might encounter, the same fears, feelings, and inadequacy that I did. You are not alone!! (cue cheesy music)

So let's get started...

#1: Choosing to start a family is not easy, and SCARY!
Choosing to have children, although exciting and fun for obvious reasons, is like signing a restraining order on your social life, your marriage, your showers, your clean clothes, your body, your sleep, your control over bodily functions, and any and all free time. If you're not worried about that, you have something wrong with you.


Before children enter into a relationship, you get to be selfish. You can go anywhere at any time. You can do almost anything you want. You can worry about yourself and your physique. You can spend hours getting ready and blow money on things you don't need. Children add a significant amount of difficulty to that kind of lifestyle. Your world will turn upside down. It is an enormous life change. If that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will.

#2: Being pregnant isn't wonderful
Being pregnant is horrible. Now, there are some people who just grow a tiny little bump and add zero poundage elsewhere, feel a connection with the baby right away, still go to yoga every morning, never experience any symptoms, and are as healthy and happy as ever. And those people suck.

For the rest of us, being pregnant is a miserable, hot, fat, swollen, uncomfortable experience. It's on my list of top 5 worst things ever. But, I felt like I was going to get struck by lightening if I admitted that out loud because it felt like an indirect slam to the little fetus blocking my digestive plumbing and karate chopping every organ it came in contact with. I was supposed to be rubbing my belly in wonder with a blissful smile on my face while drinking a green smoothie, but I wasn't. Saying I hated pregnancy felt like I was saying I hated the baby or the ability to even grow a baby. Women of the world, this is not true. You have every right to complain and hate the experience of being pregnant. Our bodies are destroyed and hammered. We get fat and eat frightening amounts of chocolate and cry a lot. Nothing functions properly and everything moves to new places it wasn't designated for. And we're MEAN! We feel uglier and nastier than we've ever felt before. We look uglier and nastier than we've ever looked before. There is nothing wrong with you if you don't enjoy that and call it magic. You can still love your baby but hate what they're doing to you.

#3: You can't plan your delivery
We never had a "birth plan" except to get an epidural, at some point have a baby present itself, and not die. I feel like that was a pretty level-headed plan. There are so many unknowns and what-ifs that could happen with each pregnancy and delivery that you can't plan everything out. You may have preterm labor. You may need an emergency c-section. You may deliver pretty fast. You may need to be induced. You may have your baby in a car. You may have an easy, painless delivery. It does happen! You really have no idea what will happen. Wherever you are or whatever happens, whether good or bad, just go with the flow and focus on you and baby being healthy and happy.


#4. You may not cry and instantly bond with your baby the second you hold them and wonder how you ever lived without them
This does happen, so if you're reading this thinking I'm the one who's crazy, that's because I had a different experience than you. Every "Your baby this week" thing I read would show a picture of a tad-pole looking fetus with eyes over by the ears and a tail growing out the back during the first few months of pregnancy. And apparently those images remained forever vivid in my mind because that is exactly what my brain told myself what was coming out of me. So when an actual baby was lifted up and moved to get cleaned and weighed, I was utterly and thoroughly confused. I didn't understand who's child that was. But then reality came back to me that, duh, that was mine and they really do come out looking human and I got excited to really look at her.


Then, they cleaned her up and handed her to her daddy because I was still being stitched up and we got to really look at her. I cannot explain to you how weird this experience was for me. I didn't cry. I didn't say anything. I didn't even feel anything for her. It was so strange. She did not feel like my baby and I did not bond with her the moment I saw her. They put a hat on her and she looked exactly like my husband. There was no evidence of myself in her whatsoever. At first I was angry that she looked like him and not me. Didn't I just do all the work? Was I really the mother? I don't know what I expected but it really threw me off. I wanted our kids to look like their dad. She actually had every single feature we wanted. But it was still so strange and confusing to me. She didn't feel like mine. And I felt like the worst person ever because I wasn't going gaga over my baby.

Of course we held her and stared at her the rest of the day but it was still so surreal. We sent her away that night to get some shut eye (HIGHLY recommended) and I didn't miss her that much until I started to dream about her. All night I had dreams about a little girl and when I woke up the next day, I missed her! I started to feel more and more love for her as I began to realize that she was mine. So, bonding with your baby may take time. The whole experience is so much all at once that you can't have it perfect all the time. Bonding will come. Don't worry. Soon you won't be able to stand being away from each other.

#5. Hormones are worse than people say and other nasty stuff
Prepare to cry for the first two weeks postpartum. You can't control it, either. You just cry and cry. You either cry because you love your baby or because you're having a hard time. You cry because you're tired, sore, and spent, or because you can't believe what you've done! Your hormones and emotions are completely out of control so prepare to be a nut-case.

You will also sweat. A LOT! You gained water-weight during the pregnancy, now your body is trying to get rid of it. Carry a towel with you everywhere you go.

If you choose to not breastfeed, like myself, when your milk comes in, it will be painful and your boobs will be so big it will scare you. Mine came in during the night and I just laid there not daring to move and flex a peck muscle and make it worse. But, it only lasts a day or two and then you'll spend the next several weeks leaking... it's DISGUSTING!! That's all I'm going to say on the matter because this topic grosses me out. Just prepare for it to be gross and uncomfortable. But it goes away.

#6. Postpartum depression doesn't just mean you're suicidal or constantly depressed
I wish I would have known this. Having battled situational depression in the past, I knew I was experiencing the same feelings and emotional episodes I had before. I knew I was depressed but it wasn't all the time. I'd be fine one day and then I'd have a full on panic attack wondering how in the heck we were going to have TWO kids, if I'd get any sleep that night, if I would be alone all day, etc. I worried about things I couldn't control or that weren't even reality. Not just worried, I flipped out about them! My daughter was a pretty easy baby as well but whenever she would have a hard day I would lose my mind. Looking back, I can see I had postpartum depression but I didn't know it at the time because I didn't have suicidal thoughts or wasn't a danger to myself or others. I thought you had to be a complete loon to qualify. But I wasn't myself or rational at all. I wasn't really that happy. Take time to evaluate your feelings and if you don't feel like yourself after a few weeks, tell your doctor. It will be the best thing ever for you.

#7. Baby weight is HARD to lose
I was naive and thought I could lose the weight easily. It took me a long time! It's a mean battle! Be careful how much extra weight you gain during pregnancy (maybe that should have been it's own warning?) because you will spend months working it off.

#8. The first year is rough
For some people, they naturally fall into motherhood and they love it. I didn't. It took me up until about the time my daughter turned 1 to really feel strong, happy, and confident in motherhood. It didn't come naturally and I didn't like it. Of course I always loved my daughter. That never changed. But the role of being a mom was hard. I can't even count the number of times I told myself or my husband that I hated it. There were times I hated the new life we had chosen for ourselves. I didn't know what we had gotten ourselves into. I didn't think I was cut out for being a mom. I thought something was wrong with me. I thought we had made a huge mistake and I wondered all the time how I was going to raise a daughter the right way when I was struggling so bad. But after talking to many other moms, I started to learn that there wasn't something wrong with me, this was very NORMAL! Do not fear, others experience this as well. It just takes some of us longer to transition into being a mom. I also know had I treated the postpartum depression, I probably would have had an easier time transitioning. It does get better!

The good news is they slowly become more independent and fun. They sleep through the night and you start to become yourself and you start to make your new life a norm. You get the hang of everything and learn how to handle changes and unexpected things. You realize that things you once freaked out about really weren't that important. You get it! Once you find your identity as a mother, you start to love being a mother and the love for your child grows more and more! You'll start to agree with people when they say they can't remember life without their kids. You don't care to! They'll make you so happy it'll make every hard day worth it.


So those are some truths that threw me off in my time as a parent. I may have to make this topic into a weekly segment because even now I can think of more, but this post is long enough. Motherhood is extremely difficult but worth every moment. It will make you feel miserable, and make your heart swell with so much joy you swear it's going to burst out of your chest. Just plan on not being able to plan on anything and you'll do wonderfully. 

Here's A Tip...

Here's a helpful tip:

You know how your baby monitor says "do not use with any other power source" right on the unit? Well I'm here to testify, that's not just unnecessary jargon, they really mean that!

Today I was sitting on the couch holding the baby monitor and the power cord for the computer was sitting right next to me. "I wonder if it would fit,"I stupidly and needlessly thought to myself. So I picked it up and cautiously "checked" to see if it would fit by putting them close together but not actually plugging it in. Well, they fit. Too well in fact because it slipped right in and my monitor instantly fried and went dead. It couldn't be revived either. I tried everything, even emergency surgery.

Although I'm sad to go a few days without a monitor and to have to buy a new one already, I'm actually looking forward to the new one. Ours has super crappy reviews and the new one has great ones! Plus our old one beeped every 10 seconds (ok, not really that often) for no good reason like it had PMS and you couldn't go outside with having to strategically place it in the exact right spot so it wouldn't lose its signal. This other one has double the range. I could go across the street! Imagine the freedom!!

Anyway, moral of this post: don't put your stuff in things it shouldn't be in.

R.I.P. moody monitor!

Jumbo Growth Chart Ruler

Two years ago we bought our first home and shortly after had our first child. When she started walking we kept saying we needed to mark her height on the door frame. But we kept forgetting. Then I saw this idea on Pinterest about making a growth chart ruler that shows the children's heights on the ruler (or with pictures) and you can take it anywhere in case you move! What a brilliant idea! Here was the original pin:

http://adventuresindecoratinganddesign.blogspot.com/2012/01/ruler-growth-chart.html

But I decided to make my own version of it.

First, I went to Lowe's a bought one six foot 1x10" board and a can of stain. Then, I brought it home and sanded it down until it was smooth:

 Next, I applied the stain.

 Then I sanded it down again to help give it a distressed look. I forgot to take a picture of this step but sanding is pretty self-explanatory.

Then I measured how far from the floor I wanted the board to be so I knew where to start. I decided on 6 inches from the floor, so I began the bottom of my ruler at 6 inches. Then I measured everything else out and penciled in all the numbers, tick marks, and animals I decided to put on it:

 Can you guess the next step?? Very good! I painted it! This was actually a lot harder than I expected. The original idea used printed numbers. I hand drew and painted everything on the ruler. That's why the lines aren't perfect, but I think I did a pretty good job even though the critters took forever to draw and paint. I'm not an artist.

 This little bee is my favorite part.

 The finished product up on the wall!

 We had our little K test it out and she started crying. Weird. But she got over it. I plan on printing out a little picture of her at 18 months and putting it on the wall next to her height. That will come later. Right now we're out of printer ink. 

It took me a few passes in the hall to really start to love it. I'm unhappy with the numbers looking so ghetto and too uniform. I should have made them stylish. But that's ok. It's still cute. We'll keep it.