There is a class at our gym that's extremely intense. It's the hardest class the gym offers (so I've been told) and after talking to some women who frequently attend (and also have arms bigger than my husband) it sounded just crazy enough to try. What did I have to lose? Other than the full functioning capacity of my muscles?
I first attended a little over a month ago, just as I was trying to get better after having bronchitis. Obviously, a dumb move. The class was no joke! It was a weight training day and I had half the weight the other girls did and kept stopping to hack up a lung and I was still dead. But I thought maybe I could do better when I felt better.
Flash forward to today when I finally made it to class to try it again. I won't lie, I was nervous. The instructor started class with dividing us into two groups. She sent one group to start on the cardio portion while we started on weights. Through sheer peer pressure and intimidation by the size of her muscles, she made us grab the biggest dumb bells available and start working our biceps. We ran through a cycle of different workouts that left my arms feeling like jelly. I've been to enough classes to know that one round wasn't going to cut it. I lost track at 5. We constantly pumped our arms and ripped our biceps for 10 entire minutes. Nonstop. With heavy weights. I have never in my existence experienced pain like that. I literally couldn't move my arms. They were frozen in the position of a bicep curl.
As soon as we set the weights down she shoved us out the door to go run stairs for 10 minutes while the other group did their biceps. I guess I shouldn't say she shoved US out the door. All the other girls in the class were pretty dang fit and were halfway out the door before my brain had registered that I had set the dumb bells down and needed to stand back up and not stay hunched over, frozen in pain. The other girls knew what was expected of them and had set off like they were defending their country against all things, foreign and domestic. And there I was, hardly able to think straight my arms ached so bad.
I watched in embarrassment as two 36 weeks pregnant women zoomed past me out the door to go run their stairs. Surely if they could do this, then I could, too! I gathered my composure and set out the door after them.
We reached the stairs and they all started taking off. I was keeping up, and I never had to stop and rest, but I was huffing and puffing like a smoker trying to run a marathon. All the other girls were casually carrying on conversations like they were at a BBQ with their feet soaking in a pool. Be cool, I told myself. It's your first day. You'll get there. It doesn't matter that these women will be giving birth in the next few days, which means they're bouncing around an extra 20 pounds in their uteruses and not even breaking a sweat. Don't let that get to you.
After our little party on the stairs (and yes, we ran them nonstop for at least 10 minutes) we were back in the classroom destroying the crap out of our triceps. Again the paralyzingly pain returned after completing all sets of the super-human exercises the teacher had concocted.
This time for cardio, we were instructed to go sprint on the treadmill at a pace of 9 mph or faster and we could take a brief walk if we needed to recover, but then we had to be right back to it as soon as we could. This time I hurried to the door to be amongst the group and not look so stupid. Running wasn't something I was unfamiliar with so I was kind of excited for this one, even though I don't run at that ridiculous of a pace. I began to feel a little more confident after we were summoned back to the classroom for another beating. I was keeping up pretty well for my first time! Maybe I was in better shape than I thought?
After a crazy shoulder shredding, we were once again kicked out and instructed to "go as fast as we could on the elliptical at the highest resistance that we could do". This time, I was practically sprinting out the door! I was determined to prove myself!
While heading up the stairs to the elliptical machine, I got to talking to one of the pregnant girls:
Me: so when are you due?
Girl: 4 weeks from today.
Me: that's exciting (or something like that)
...more baby talk ensued...
Girl: so is this your first time in this class?
Me: my first real time, yes. I came about a month ago but I was sick so it was a disaster. This is the first Monday I've had free so I wanted to come try it again. I'm loving it so far. This is pretty intense!
Girl: yeah, it's a great class! This is the perfect day to start out, too because the teacher is taking it so easy today. Last week she about killed us so this is our break. She can be pretty brutal".
Whatever confident wind I had in my sails stopped blowing at that very moment. I'm sorry, did you say this was an EASY day?! There I was, dripping in sweat, my arms ached so badly I didn't know how I was going to pick up my daughter when the class was done, and my heart was pounding in my ears. The only thing making me feel better was knowing I was at least keeping up. Barely, but I was there. And now she tells me it's an EASY day?!
I thought maybe she was just a punk and was yanking my chain but on our next torturous round of ab workouts the teacher apologized to the class for being so easy on us. And some actually looked irritated at her for that being the case. Who were these people?! I began to feel totally inadequate and was beginning to resolve to sticking with my usual classes I go to, but then, for the first time in an hour, I started to really look around the room at the kinds of people who were in attendance.
I don't want to be muscly. I think that's gross, and there were some really muscly women there. But there were also some sickly fit, healthy girls there, too, who looked amazing. Not only that, I really noticed what a support group they had going on. Everyone had a friend or group they were talking to and exercising with. They weren't competing with each other or trying to prove anything to anyone. They were there to get in a great workout and transform their bodies. I'm sure every single one of them started out just like me at one point. Instead of finding the group intimidating and scary, I suddenly found them to be inspirational. I had done awesome for my first time. I may lack the ability to move my arms at all for the next couple days, but I'm that much stronger now. What's wrong with that?
So I told myself then and there that I was going to go to this class as often as my schedule allows. This is something I want to try and get better at. And according to the other girls, you never do the same thing twice. Ok, you really do, but it's mixed up a lot.
So, wish me luck as I embark on my journey of keeping up with fitness robots and trying not to die. Hopefully some day I'll leave without a genuine concern for a heart attack and the inability to lift anything heavier than my keys.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Dealing With Difficult People
We've all dealt with difficult people in our lives. It's part of being human. For whatever reason, there are people who we just can't seem to get along with.
It seems this problem has been happening ten fold lately in my life. It has actually been pretty difficult and challenging for me and quite a burden. Why do these people who treat me so poorly have to be a part of my life? I have felt strongly that there is a lesson for me in all this, so I've spent a lot of time praying for help. The only problem was, I didn't really know what to ask for specifically. "Please help me get along with so and so." Um... think it could get any more vague than that? That's not how the Lord works. We would never learn anything if he just fixed everything for us without any effort on our part. So, I went in search of answers.
Since I can't see a therapist for free (I'm not kidding, I would totally see one) I decided the next best thing was self-help books. I researched a few of them, and by researched I mean I saw them on websites and thought "That looks perfect!" and ordered them on amazon without any further thought. I started one book, which I'm sure I'll review later after I finish it, but then changed to the second book I ordered:
Due to my lack of research, there were a few things that caught me off guard from the beginning, but were actually very beneficial:
1. This book is written by a female minister who started her own church called Church 4 Chicks. That worried me at first, but it actually turned out to be awesome. She doesn't teach anything that isn't consistent with the teaching of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. So really, it was like getting advice from the scriptures and a church leader. Other than her talking about her call to the ministry ;)
2. She wrote this book specifically for women, dealing with other women. That was very helpful because men generally don't have the same kind of catty, impossible-to-like-anyone-around-them-attitude that every woman possesses.
3. The book smelled AMAZING! I love the smell of new books. I couldn't stop sniffing it. I think that's a major contributing factor to why I finished so fast, I couldn't get enough of the smell.
4. It's also a work book. She asks deep questions that make you search yourself and your relationships and gives you places to brainstorm solutions, ideas, and feelings.
I LOVED this book. Ho-ly-COW! It was exactly what I needed. The gist of both books is that you can't change what anyone else does or how they treat those around them, but you can change yourself and your actions. Shelley's book put it on a deeply religious light and provided 6 specific steps we can take to better ourselves and our relationship with God to be free of bad relationships having any control over us. I planned to write a little summary of the 6 steps but I think I'll let you read the book and take that initiative. Instead, I wish to share my feelings on how it helped me.
Like any woman on this planet, I've struggled with some of my relationships in life, whether it be with family, friends, co-workers, church leaders, etc. I've had my fair share of pain and experienced a lot of mistrust. I've been treated poorly. I've been bullied. I've been used. I've had people compete with everything I do. And I've held on to those feelings and they have been rotting inside me ever since. Don't get me wrong, I haven't sat and festered over them while sharpening my pitch fork and planning revenge, but I have held poor views of the people involved and have avoided them when possible. Haven't we all? Don't we all? I think most of us prefer to avoid awkward situations and confrontations whenever possible.
But this book has helped me let go of that. It has helped me forgive. Through bettering my relationship with my Savior and realizing that I am a daughter of God and He loves me, no matter what I do or what anyone else thinks or says, I can overcome any situation without scars. I'm proud of who I am and the life Heavenly Father has chosen for me. It's tailored exactly to what I need in order to be the best I can be. Why would I want to compare it to anyone else? Their life was made for them, not me. And when we lose sight of that and start feeling inadequate, we begin to compare ourselves to others and that's when the claws start to come out and we have trouble getting along with each other.
I've learned a powerful lesson this week. I've learned that it doesn't matter if someone doesn't like me. It doesn't matter what they say behind my back or what they're really thinking behind their civil smile. Nothing they do can change who I am or bring me down. I am a daughter of God. I am secure enough in who I am to not care what the insecure and confused/lost souls think. It's my job to forgive them of their wrong-doings, stand up for myself when necessary, show them grace and mercy, and let God handle the punishments for their actions, because only He can see the whole picture and judge fairly. It's also my job to repent when I'm the one who causes harm to another - which I have done before and will probably do again, because we're all human and make mistakes - in order to better those relationships as well.
I've come to accept that everyone is different. Rather than feeling threatened or scared by the differences we see in each other, we need to embrace them! How boring would the world be if we were all the same? We each have different gifts and talents. We each have different trials we've faced and lessons we've learned. We can learn so much from each other. Too often we only seek friends who are just like us. I am guilty of that all the time. But the potential problem with that is we often share the same weaknesses and can unintentionally bring each other down. We don't learn about new things and new views on the world. We remain stuck in our little bubble; never changing and shutting out anyone who is different. I don't want to be that way. People who seem so different from me may have something wonderful to offer me. My goal is to let them have that chance.
I also solidified what I chose to do for one of my new years resolutions; to be a friend to the amazing friends I already do have, instead of trying to force friendships with people who clearly don't care. I spend a lot of time dwelling on the relationships that aren't working because they're the ones that hurt. It's a waste of time and takes away from those who do care. There was a saying in the book that I loved:
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." - Dale Carnegie
Isn't that awesome? We get so wrapped up in trying to impress others and get them to like us. We think if we can showcase all our best features then we'll have friends lined up around the block. It's purely a selfish and insecure approach. They will see your good qualities in time. Those will not be near as impressive as a sincere and caring person would be. Who would you rather turn to for help, the person who brags about their yearly income? Or the person who listens to you, cries with you, and truly makes you feel loved? We can make so many friends and have so many rewarding relationships by being a good friend. I have an amazing army of friends around me. I know I can stand to be a better listener and a better friend and appreciate them instead of focusing on myself, and I'm going to strive to do that. And I'm going to be a friend to everyone. It doesn't matter the color of their skin, their profession, or if they like the same music I do. Heck, I don't care if they live in a cardboard box. I'm not that shallow and everyone needs friends, true friends, who will love and accept them for who they are.
I highly recommend you go buy this book and read it for yourself. Although the steps in the book will be a life-long learning process, I feel as though I am already on my way. My blinders have been removed and I can see that the opinions of others just don't matter. A tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. My self-worth is not dependent on what people think of me. It's not dependent on what they say or how much pain they cause in my life. It's dependent on me and me alone and my relationship with the Savior. He loves each and every one of us individually and unconditionally. No one can take that away from us, so don't let them think they can. Don't let another single person have any control over you. It's how we can truly be free.
It seems this problem has been happening ten fold lately in my life. It has actually been pretty difficult and challenging for me and quite a burden. Why do these people who treat me so poorly have to be a part of my life? I have felt strongly that there is a lesson for me in all this, so I've spent a lot of time praying for help. The only problem was, I didn't really know what to ask for specifically. "Please help me get along with so and so." Um... think it could get any more vague than that? That's not how the Lord works. We would never learn anything if he just fixed everything for us without any effort on our part. So, I went in search of answers.
Since I can't see a therapist for free (I'm not kidding, I would totally see one) I decided the next best thing was self-help books. I researched a few of them, and by researched I mean I saw them on websites and thought "That looks perfect!" and ordered them on amazon without any further thought. I started one book, which I'm sure I'll review later after I finish it, but then changed to the second book I ordered:
1. This book is written by a female minister who started her own church called Church 4 Chicks. That worried me at first, but it actually turned out to be awesome. She doesn't teach anything that isn't consistent with the teaching of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. So really, it was like getting advice from the scriptures and a church leader. Other than her talking about her call to the ministry ;)
2. She wrote this book specifically for women, dealing with other women. That was very helpful because men generally don't have the same kind of catty, impossible-to-like-anyone-around-them-attitude that every woman possesses.
3. The book smelled AMAZING! I love the smell of new books. I couldn't stop sniffing it. I think that's a major contributing factor to why I finished so fast, I couldn't get enough of the smell.
4. It's also a work book. She asks deep questions that make you search yourself and your relationships and gives you places to brainstorm solutions, ideas, and feelings.
I LOVED this book. Ho-ly-COW! It was exactly what I needed. The gist of both books is that you can't change what anyone else does or how they treat those around them, but you can change yourself and your actions. Shelley's book put it on a deeply religious light and provided 6 specific steps we can take to better ourselves and our relationship with God to be free of bad relationships having any control over us. I planned to write a little summary of the 6 steps but I think I'll let you read the book and take that initiative. Instead, I wish to share my feelings on how it helped me.
Like any woman on this planet, I've struggled with some of my relationships in life, whether it be with family, friends, co-workers, church leaders, etc. I've had my fair share of pain and experienced a lot of mistrust. I've been treated poorly. I've been bullied. I've been used. I've had people compete with everything I do. And I've held on to those feelings and they have been rotting inside me ever since. Don't get me wrong, I haven't sat and festered over them while sharpening my pitch fork and planning revenge, but I have held poor views of the people involved and have avoided them when possible. Haven't we all? Don't we all? I think most of us prefer to avoid awkward situations and confrontations whenever possible.
But this book has helped me let go of that. It has helped me forgive. Through bettering my relationship with my Savior and realizing that I am a daughter of God and He loves me, no matter what I do or what anyone else thinks or says, I can overcome any situation without scars. I'm proud of who I am and the life Heavenly Father has chosen for me. It's tailored exactly to what I need in order to be the best I can be. Why would I want to compare it to anyone else? Their life was made for them, not me. And when we lose sight of that and start feeling inadequate, we begin to compare ourselves to others and that's when the claws start to come out and we have trouble getting along with each other.
I've learned a powerful lesson this week. I've learned that it doesn't matter if someone doesn't like me. It doesn't matter what they say behind my back or what they're really thinking behind their civil smile. Nothing they do can change who I am or bring me down. I am a daughter of God. I am secure enough in who I am to not care what the insecure and confused/lost souls think. It's my job to forgive them of their wrong-doings, stand up for myself when necessary, show them grace and mercy, and let God handle the punishments for their actions, because only He can see the whole picture and judge fairly. It's also my job to repent when I'm the one who causes harm to another - which I have done before and will probably do again, because we're all human and make mistakes - in order to better those relationships as well.
I've come to accept that everyone is different. Rather than feeling threatened or scared by the differences we see in each other, we need to embrace them! How boring would the world be if we were all the same? We each have different gifts and talents. We each have different trials we've faced and lessons we've learned. We can learn so much from each other. Too often we only seek friends who are just like us. I am guilty of that all the time. But the potential problem with that is we often share the same weaknesses and can unintentionally bring each other down. We don't learn about new things and new views on the world. We remain stuck in our little bubble; never changing and shutting out anyone who is different. I don't want to be that way. People who seem so different from me may have something wonderful to offer me. My goal is to let them have that chance.
I also solidified what I chose to do for one of my new years resolutions; to be a friend to the amazing friends I already do have, instead of trying to force friendships with people who clearly don't care. I spend a lot of time dwelling on the relationships that aren't working because they're the ones that hurt. It's a waste of time and takes away from those who do care. There was a saying in the book that I loved:
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." - Dale Carnegie
Isn't that awesome? We get so wrapped up in trying to impress others and get them to like us. We think if we can showcase all our best features then we'll have friends lined up around the block. It's purely a selfish and insecure approach. They will see your good qualities in time. Those will not be near as impressive as a sincere and caring person would be. Who would you rather turn to for help, the person who brags about their yearly income? Or the person who listens to you, cries with you, and truly makes you feel loved? We can make so many friends and have so many rewarding relationships by being a good friend. I have an amazing army of friends around me. I know I can stand to be a better listener and a better friend and appreciate them instead of focusing on myself, and I'm going to strive to do that. And I'm going to be a friend to everyone. It doesn't matter the color of their skin, their profession, or if they like the same music I do. Heck, I don't care if they live in a cardboard box. I'm not that shallow and everyone needs friends, true friends, who will love and accept them for who they are.
I highly recommend you go buy this book and read it for yourself. Although the steps in the book will be a life-long learning process, I feel as though I am already on my way. My blinders have been removed and I can see that the opinions of others just don't matter. A tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. My self-worth is not dependent on what people think of me. It's not dependent on what they say or how much pain they cause in my life. It's dependent on me and me alone and my relationship with the Savior. He loves each and every one of us individually and unconditionally. No one can take that away from us, so don't let them think they can. Don't let another single person have any control over you. It's how we can truly be free.
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